Review of the Resolutions

Okay folks, another year has passed. I do believe that last year at this time I wrote a list of resolutions for myself. It is time to review those goals and see how I did:

• Keep my room clean on a consistent basis. I would say this pretty much happened...eh. Kind of happened. There were some rough spots but overall my room stayed clean.
• Find a home for Henry. Didn't happen. He is still living in my aquarium.
• Pick up my camera more often. Definitely didn't happen.
• Not buy as much stuff. ...nope.
• See my Youtubers more often. Because of one illicit evening and the events that followed, I'm no longer really connected with the Youtube community.
• Not lose a chapstick for real. THIS HAPPENED! I still have the strawberry LipSmackers that I bought at the beginning of 2010.
• Dailybooth everyday. This also was a habit lost with the Youtube.
• Blog everyday. Obviously didn't happen.

I'm so tired of making goals and not keeping them. I'm so tired of trying to keep something up for myself and letting myself down. That's why there are no resolutions this year other than to make myself happy. This will take lots of searching, lots of losses, lots of failures, and most definitely a school transfer- but it will happen. Just you wait.

Friend.

I do not believe the word "friend" has any meaning any longer.

Think about how we use the word friend. We use it to indicate someone's picture on our Facebook profiles, and that's about it. Everywhere else, we call people "followers" and "subscribers"... why?

Because these people are not what we traditionally think of as friends. The New Oxford American Dictionary defines friend as "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection".

Now, besides the youtube community, we do not know actually know many of the people we call friends on the internet. As much as we wish to know these people like friends, we don't. Therefore, we can't technically call these people "friends".

Now, the other and frankly more important aspect of the definition is "mutual affection".

The definition of follower: "an adherent or devotee of a particular person".
The definition of subscriber: "[a person who arranges] to receive something regularly, typically a publication".

These are one-sided actions. This is not a relationship. This is not a friendship.

Is it understandable, yet, why it pisses me off that people call their followers "friends"? You do not know them. You may have affection for them as a number that increases your subscriber count; that gets you to that coveted 100, or 20,000, or 5 million followers. But do you like them for the person that they are? Do you know every aspect of their character and still love them? Or do you love the idea of one more person carrying you to fame or importance?

6/21/10

On Monday while volunteering at the cat shelter, a cat scratched me. A 2 inch long gash across the inside of my wrist.

I fought a battle (and won, or at least achieved an armistice) with self harm that started my freshman year of high school. Long story short, it was rough but i'm better than I was.

So when an ex-self harmer gets a perfectly straight injury on their inner wrist, it's suspicious. I know from experience that "the cat scratched me" is the most used and most believed excuse for self harm. But what about when the cat DID scratch me? Do the scars on my arm justify your discrimination?

I was at a hospital and I simply asked for Neosporin for my wound. The nurse looked at it and outright said "no, we can't help you". She then walked away quickly without making eye contact or even saying sorry.

That broke my heart. That I can't be trusted about something as simple as a cat scratch, even though my issues are behind me and I've been cut-free for over six months. That the size and placement of a cut can be the difference between being treated with respect and being treated as a suicidal freak.

Friends, if someone you know deals with self harm, try and help them. But please, don't judge. It hurts them more than they let off.

PROMarama!

I hate prom. I hate how

it consumes every one of you,
it's all we talk about anymore,
it's ruining friendships,
it's complicating things,
it's forcing a bunch of people who don't necessarily get along into one party bus.

04-06-2010.

Pet Peeves: A list by Laura A. Korsgaard

• Singing a song when you do not know the lyrics.
• Making percussive claps/slaps/stomps/mouth noises.
• People who do not brush their teeth 2 times a day.
• People who only talk about one subject.
  
• Using ANY bad grammar.
• Combining proper capitalization and improper capitalization.
• Not ordering/organizing books on a bookshelf in any way.
  
• Repeating the same exclamation throughout an entire day, even when it is out of context (i.e. I'm SO glad Anthony is back on Project Runway!).
  
• Texting at dinner.
• Being rude to authority figures.
• Nail biting.
• Channel flipping.
  

hey guess what;

i applied for college yesterday.

I know i'll get in, but it's not where i want to go. I want to go to a school in SC but i can't cause it's too much money.

3-17-10 (happy st patty's day)

My antisocialism is emerging into new territory. The only people I've been spending time with are my parents which, don't get me wrong, isn't BAD, but it's also not GOOD. I recently wasn't invited to a birthday party for one of my good friends. It turns out it was a miscommunication, but it still doesn't feel good to know that people FORGET to invite you to things. Maybe the reason why I'm spending time with family is because I don't want to deal with the repercussions of being the odd duck, the black sheep in my group of friends; I don't want to have to worry about being forgotten.

Is it really because I wear a size 9, while they are all smaller than a 5? because that's the only thing I've found that makes me so different than them.